Two weeks ago I went to my Dr. for a follow up. (nothing serious) While there the Dr. gave me small physical and while examining my abdomen he felt a mass. Mass. On my abdomen. I looked at both my girls who were sitting there happily playing on my phone. Oblivious to what was happening. Everything kind of blurred from there on out. Papers for an ultrasound referral were handed to me and I got my girls loaded up in the car and drove to my parents.
I haven't had any weird symptoms. I have had a ton of blood work done this year for some random things that have popped up, but nothing serious ever came up. Cancer does not run in my family. However, the word mass and abdomen conjur up the C word.
I was amazingly able to get in (I think by divine intervention) the following day to get the ultrasound. Nerves. All nerves and some tears because of the sheer fear of the unknown. The unknown lasted all weekend because the Dr's office was of course closed. I swear everything happens on a Thursday/Friday. I knew that I wouldn't get results until Monday and it was torture.
I felt like I was standing at the crossroads. One road kept going on a path that looked similar to what was behind me. Then another one to my left (imagined) had just appeared and that was bleak and full of divets and so dark you couldn't see the step in front of you. And you had no idea if there was a cliff or something that would come out of the darkness and take you away. Kind of dramatic, but that's how I felt.
Monday came and by afternoon I had my answers. Answers to my health and really answers on how my life was going to continue. Seems like I have an ovary that is smack dab in the middle of my abdomen that is basically touching the surface of my skin. (damn ovaries)
Relief. I cried. I cried because I got the answers I had hoped for and cried because I thought of the people who don't get those answers. Whose life becomes that dark path not knowing what's going to happen. It happens so often and I can't imagine the feeling.
One thing I found myself pondering over that weekend would be what would I change in life? Sometimes when you're faced with a serious situation you resolve to do things differently, to change certain aspects in your life. This time in my life I wouldn't change anything. I love my girls, my husband and my family and I am doing the best I can do. I think everyone knows how much I love them. I feel like I am raising my girls to be good people showing love and care to others. I feel my life is full. At this moment. I haven't been in this place before and it feels so freeing!
So, though this has a happy ending thus far, so many stories don't.
Encourage people you're next to, anyone, because you don't know what they're facing in life.